Striving
upwards is a common part of many peoples lives. They work hard in
their chosen fields in order to make something of themselves. They
earn money, respect and power. They're able to look themselves in the
mirror and say “I'm a somebody”. But in the dark hours of the
night they must sometimes be plagued by the fact that someone else is
more successful, richer and just simply more powerful.
Unless
they're kings that is. No one is higher on the totem pole than the
king. At least that used to be the case, back when kings ruled, both
actually as well as figuratively.
However
things weren't always so rosy. With great power comes great
responsibility and all that. But ultimately even the mightiest king
is still only human. And humans die. Sometimes in pretty funny ways.
This is what we're discussing today: some of the oddest ways monarchs
have perished.
We open
our Royal Gathering of Death with King James II of Scotland. Over
all, he was pretty well liked as he was a just king who ruled fairly.
The
biggest criticism against James was that he ordered the murder of the
Earl of Douglas at what became known as the Black Dinner in 1440.
Incidentally this was George R.R. Martin's inspiration for the Red
Wedding. But apart from this slight case of murdering, James was
liked.
What James
himself liked, was cannons. He had imported several from Flanders and
was most keen to see them in action at the siege of Roxburgh Castle.
In fact he was standing right next to one when it decided to blow up
and scatter little bits of king all over the vicinity. That's right,
James II was killed by his own artillery.
Up next is
Charles VIII of France.
Charles
wasn't very well liked, mostly because he never did very much. He was
popular abroad since he made several concessions to his neighbors,
but the French preferred to ignore him.
One day
though, he decided to enjoy a game of tennis. Not to play mind you,
just watch. When the game was over, the king left, but failed to
notice how low the lintel was. He smacked his most royal head and
fell into a coma from which he never woke up. Talk about walking to
your death...
Let us now
turn to Frederick I, King of Germany, as well as King of Italy and to
top it off Holy Roman Emperor! With out a doubt the most powerful man
in Europe back in 1155.
He had it
pretty good, until he wanted to do the fashionable thing and go
crusading. Now if you've detected the tone of today's post, you can
probably guess that Freddy didn't meet his demise in battle against
the heathen horde.
Nope, he
wanted to cross the Goksu River in Turkey, but the bridge was out.
His staff argued for finding another bridge (you know, the sensible
solution) but Freddy being king
twice over as well as Emperor! figured it was up to him to show
everyone how it was done.
He
rode his horse into the water and was promptly swept away. Sadly the
horse drowned too.
Finally
we conclude tonight's sombre cavalcade with Charles II of Navarre. He
was known as Charles the Bad, mostly because he kept switching sides
during the Hundred Year's War in order to get the best deal every
time.
One
day the Bad Boy fell ill, and the doctors figured that the best cure
was to wrap him in several layers of linen soaked in brandy and sew
the whole thing together. I guess they thought marinating kings in
brandy was good for them.
An
unnamed maid was tasked with the sewing, a task she took to with
great care. A bit too much care as it turned out. She didn't want to
risk cutting the king with her scissors in the dark, so she burned
off the final thread with her candle. In a flashy instant Charles
went from being the Bad to being the Crispy. Divine Retribution or an
exciting new recipe? You decide.
That's
all folks! See you next week.
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