It just doesn't pay

If you've spent any length of time on the internet, you might have run into the story of McArthur Wheeler, even if you don't recognize his name. He's the guy who covered his face with lemon juice, thinking it would render his face invisible to cameras. Then he robbed a bank. You can guess the rest...

That's the subject of today's post. Dumb, er, reality challenged criminals.

We start with the nineteen criminals who got arrested thinking they had won free beer. The police in Derbyshire sent out “winning tickets” from a false company and promptly arrested the wanted men when they happily marched through the door looking for their prize beverages.

Next up is young Ruben Zarate who tried to think creatively. He wanted to rob a muffler shop in Chicago, but the safe was locked and only the manager, who was away at the time, could open it. So what did Mr. Zarate do? He gave the cashier his phone number so that they could call him when the manager was available, and he would be able to proceed with the robbery. As you probably deduced by now, Rubens criminal career was cut very short, very quickly.

If you're in need of a getaway vehicle, you might want to consider several aspects. Speed, notability and reliability being, perhaps, the most important. A Colombian crime crew considered none of these when they stole a donkey as their vehicle of choice.

They successfully robbed a convenience store, but the getaway donkey decided not only to remain stubbornly immobile, but it made such a racket, the robbers fled on foot leaving their ill-gotten gains behind.

We continue our cavalcade of clumsy criminals with Albert Bailey and his unnamed friend. The duo wanted to be as effective as they possibly could. These geniuses called the bank ahead of time, so that the employees could gather up the 100.000 dollars they wanted in advance. When they arrived they only got $100, but decided to be happy with what they got. Then they walked into the welcoming arms of the police.

Having trust in your fellow man is fine, but you can't expect people to be honest with your crime.

Sticking with the theme of bank robbery, we have the man (name unknown) who accidentally gave the teller his gun instead of his bag when he had demanded £700.000. He did get away and even managed to steal a bike on the way. This makes him the most successful criminal on today's list.

But how about the deaf German bank robber who couldn't hear the alarm? Well, unsurprisingly he was arrested, but he then tried to sue the bank for exploiting his handicap. That's right, never give up.

We're ending our batch of bad guys (why am I so alliterative today?) with Darren Kimpton. He had already tried to burgle a house, but he cut himself on some glass, and decided to try his luck at a second location. Unfortunately for Mr. Kimpton, the house in question had already been burgled that night by someone more qualified. Of course dear Darren couldn't have known that, but he really shouldn't have burgled a house with the police still in it! He was sent down for both burglaries.

That's what I have for you today. See you next week, and stay legal.