Don't take lessons from the Coyote

Last week we looked at criminals who were less than successful, mostly due to their own incompetence. Today, following the theme, we're looking at terrorists who didn't do any better.

Towards the end of the 19^th century, a young french anarchist (old timey terrorist) wanted to do something radical. Namely blow up the Greenwich Observatory in London. To that end he created a package full of explosives and took the bus to the observatory. So far so good. But you see, this was in February, and as the hapless anarchist crossed the park, he slipped and obliterated himself, some grass, and nothing else. Le this be a lesson about using overtly sensitive explosives. Insert your own pun about slippery slopes here.

As you are about to learn, terrorism is not for amateurs. In this case we have a group of beginners in England, who wanted to spark a race war by bombing a right wing rally and blaming some dark skinned people.

If this is your plan, you might want to make sure you turn up in time, which these six dorks didn't. They showed up just as the rally was over. They must have figured that killing the few people who were still there wasn't enough, so they drove back home. On their way home, a policeman happened to notice that their car didn't have an insurance sticker, so he stopped them, and found a carload of items the wanna-bes just couldn't explain away. Go straight to jail, do not pass go.

In the Philippine capital Manila stands the Thomas Jefferson Cultural Center. In 1991 a couple of terrorists with more dedication than know-how decided to blow the place up. You know, to show America something. I'm not sure what.

They carefully crafted their bomb at home and approached the center under the cover of darkness. One of them stood watch while the other took the bomb to the outer wall. Then he proceeded to arm the bomb in the glow of a cigarette lighter! Yes, he lit an open flame next to a bomb. But stupid as that is, that was not his undoing. You see, when he activated the bomb, the display cheerfully said h then E followed by 5. It was probably at this point the moron realized the bomb was upside down. One second later the lookout was showered in little bits of terrorist. Shell shocked and drenched in blood, the second bomber was taken to the hospital by a passing taxi driver, where it took the police no time at all to piece the story together. I doubt they managed to piece the first bomber back together again. In the end the center was largely undamaged, though rather dirty.

Finally we're traveling to Scotland. To the Glasgow International Airport to be exact. Now an airport is a valid target if you're the sort of bastard who wants to sow chaos. In this case there were two such bastards. Luckily they were as clumsy and inattentive as their colleagues above.

The plan was to load a car up with explosives, an then ram it through the airport front doors and detonate. Major chaos all around.

Well, the best laid plans and all that, because they managed to get their first car bomb towed...

Spurred by this setback they got a new car and loaded it with a bunch of propane tanks. They then gunned the engine to 30 mph (48kph) and promptly crashed. Had they actually bothered to visit the airport, they would have known that the entrance is surrounded by steel posts a.k.a. security bollards. They posts weren't even hard to see as they are wrapped in bright yellow plastic.

As the car crashed, the propane tanks did explode but nowhere near as dramatically as the duo had hoped. One of them jumped out and tried to punch the police (predictable results ensued) while the other one, now on fire got kicked in the nuts by a bystander so hard the guy broke his foot!

That's it folks, have a safe week!