Stasi

Hello all you fine people!

A bit of a short one today since I'm feeling completely uninspired and the painkiller I took against my headache hasn't kicked in yet.

Still, you showed up so here is a documentary about the East German security police, Stasi.
Now, I haven't had time to watch this, so I hope it's good.

Direct Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnQFJsOHI68


Until next time, have a good week and stay generally safe!

How not to design a game.

On Tuesday, last week, gaming news site Kotaku published a long article by Jason Schreier concerning BioWare's latest game; Anthem. He talked to 19 current and former employees and their tale is both sad and baffling.

Following Anthem's development was weird for me, personally. From the footage shown, you flew around in futuristic combat armors, sort of like Iron Man, and you fought some type of enemy, but that was it, that was all I could puzzle out. Was it an RPG? A Mass Effect style action RPG? A Battle Royale? No one knew and the only answers BioWare gave were even more confusing.

Thanks to Jason Schreier's article, it has now come to light that BioWare didn't really know either. Reading the article (and fair warning, it's long) was almost surreal. For fifteen years, the name BioWare stood for quality and excellence. They made games like Knights of the Old Republic (Kotor), Jade Empire, Mass Effect 1-3, Dragon Age 1-3... Not exactly small potatoes, you know?

But now? Mediocre performance to hot garbage, depending on who you ask.

The amazing talent that made the games I just listed are no longer with the company, they have in fact been hemorrhaging talent over the last few years. Management is in shambles, with executives believing in “BioWare magic” instead of listening to their developers. A toxic work environment and since they sold out to Electronic Arts, dumb decisions from above. It's actually kind of amazing that they produce anything at all, really.

If someone wants to make a sitcom about a dysfunctional game company in the vein of The Office, all they have to do is use Jason's article as a foundation for the script. It's that mind-boggling.

I highly urge you to read the article in full, but here are some highlights:

Anthem was in development since 2012 but it was actually made in a mere 18 months, as they kept floundering about, playing with concepts, designing by committee and constantly starting over.

Two weeks before E3 2017 the game was still called Beyond. They had shirts printed up and all. Then EA told them to change the name as they couldn't get the trademarks to work. They changed the name two weeks before they announced it to the world... Wow...

BioWare's main studio in Edmonton refused to listen to their studio in Austin, because they are inferior, somehow.

EA demanded that they would use the Frostbite engine, even though it's not an engine suited for this kind of game. Even though no one at BioWare really knew how to use Frostbite. Even though they were supposed to get lots of technical support and never really got it. The list of horror goes on...

At this point I'm sure you're starting to get the point and still it's actually worse. As I said, read it. Here's the link:

https://kotaku.com/how-biowares-anthem-went-wrong-1833731964

Well that's that. Until next time, have a great week!

April Fools...

Today is April 1^st, a day celebrated by some and reviled by others. Personally, I have never really liked it, as it's so hard to find a prank that is neither cruel or that raises false expectations, but still works.

But where does this somewhat bizarre tradition come from and where did it start? The short answer is, we don't know, but there are some speculations.

A fairly popular theory is that Chaucer referenced it in his classic Canterbury Tales, where Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox on “Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two ”. Some take this to mean March 32^nd or April first, but it could likely be a translation error with the actual meaning being 32 days after March, or May 2^nd. The jury is definitely out on that one.

However in 1508 the French poet Eloy d'Armeval referred to “poisson d'avril” or Fish of April, which could well be the earliest surviving reference to April Fools Day. This is commonly held to be connected to a calendar change where the new year was placed on January 1^st instead of the old March 25^th. It then became fashionable to play pranks on the fools who held to the old calendar.

In 1686, John Aubrey mentions the first British April Fools Day, calling it “Fooles holy day”, and in 1698 people were fooled to go to the Tower of London to see lions being washed.

In 1769 the London Public Advertiser claimed that it was righteous to punish people who forgot that Noah sent out the pigeon to find land after the flood, by sending them out on a fools errand. Make of that what you will.

This is what we know of the history in a nutshell, but did you know that April Fools Day is celebrated in different ways and even times depending on where you are? Here are some examples.

In the UK and most countries that got their modern culture from there, custom held that April Fools pranks were only acceptable before 12 am. Anyone playing a prank after midday was himself considered the fool.

In Ireland the traditional joke was to trick a person into delivering a hoax letter, and in order to avoid being the fool, they then had to pass on the task to someone else and so on.

April Fools was so important in Poland, and the officials and the media would get so into it that the Polish anti-Turkish alliance with Leopold I of April 1^st, 1683 was backdated to March 31^st just in case no one would take it seriously otherwise.

In Italy, France, Belgium and the french speaking parts of Switzerland and Canada they still often call it April fish. (see above). Apart from the commonplace fake news stories, it was popular to try to attach a paper fish on someones back without them noticing it. Much like the old “kick me” sign.

Finally, in Spain, Hispanic America and the Philippines, the day in question is actually December 28^th, know as Day of the Holy Innocents.

Of course, whether you like the pranking or not is up to you. The most important thing is that no laws are broken, and that no ones feelings are seriously hurt. Try to be safe.

That's that. Join me again next time, and for today, believe nothing!

Please get a bigger budget

Okay, so yesterday evening, my wife asks me if I want to watch a movie with her. An Asylum Films disaster movie. I said yes.

End of theworld (2018) is not good, but for one thing: it never stops trying. It had an estimated budget of $500.000 and about 14 actors. In other words no money what so ever...

The script is awful and the effects go from really lame to laughable. I don't even remember if there was any music. And again, those effects... yikes.

But the actors were mostly decent and there were some really creative filming techniques. Like three people struggling to clear concrete that has fallen on a woman. You mostly just see them struggling instead of Styrofoam “concrete”, and it worked. You have to do what you can, right?

The dialog is mostly asking “Do you think mom and Kirby are okay?” or “Do you think dad and Sarah are fine?”, so nothing to even talk about. It's easily one of the worst elements of the movie. Even worse than the rivers of lava that can appear in a quiet suburban street and burn your car without you noticing until it's too late. Ninja Lava strikes again! The lava is joined by Sniper Lightning that seems to actively target people over tall structures.

Beyond that, the streets of LA are empty of people and a mountain sized volcano appears in mere hours in the center of town... Yeah it's a mess of a movie.

To compare this movies budget, Roland Emmerich's 2012 had $200 million and his The day after Tomorrow had $125 million, and they look fantastic. So you know, it takes a special kind of person to go “Yeah, we can do this!” on no money at all.

Can I recommend it? No, not really. It's okay at best, so if you like cheese disaster movies go for it.

On a better note, we also decided to give the TV show Grimm a shot and three episodes in, we are really pleased. I may write something about that in the future.

That's that as they say. Join me again next time and until then have a great week and look out for Ninja Lava!

Nothing new under the Sun

Have you ever had an older person complain about how you dress? Or perhaps, complain about the music these days, the length of your hair and the general attitude of the youth today?

Even if they haven't complained about you, chances are good you've at least heard these complaints before.

Here's a quote about the current youth:

“They have trouble making decisions. They would rather hike in the Himalayas than climb a corporate ladder. They have few heroes, no anthems, no style to call their own. They crave entertainment, but their attention span is as short as one zap of a TV dial.”

Here's a comment from the 1990's:

“What really distinguishes this generation from those before it is that it’s the first generation in American history to live so well and complain so bitterly about it.”

And the 1980's:

“A few [35-year-old friends] just now are leaving their parents’ nest. Many friends are getting married or having a baby for the first time. They aren’t switching occupations, because they have finally landed a ‘meaningful’ career – perhaps after a decade of hopscotching jobs in search of an identity. They’re doing the kinds of things our society used to expect from 25-year-olds.”

How about this:

“We defy anyone who goes about with his eyes open to deny that there is, as never before, an attitude on the part of young folk which is best described as grossly thoughtless, rude, and utterly selfish.”

That one is from the 1920's. Almost a hundred years ago but it could have been said today. How about this one:

“[Young people] are high-minded because they have not yet been humbled by life, nor have they experienced the force of circumstances.
…
They think they know everything, and are always quite sure about it.”

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Well, the quote is from Aristotle, and he said it about 2500 years ago. That's right, know-it-all kids are as old as recorded history and probably a lot older.

“Youth were never more saucie, yea never more savagely saucie . . . the ancient are scorned, the honourable are contemned, the magistrate is not dreaded.”

The above quote is from 1624, and apart from the actual language, it might as well be a criticism of a modern rap album.

In a sense this is nothing new, but I find it somewhat comforting. Being in my early 40's now, I have caught myself sighing at modern pop music and wonder why they can't just make good music anymore. In other words, it's what I'm supposed to think, it's natural for me to be horrified at young men carrying backpacks while wearing suits, and so on.

The Earth keeps turning and the more things change, the more it stays the same.

If you want to read a few more complaints about the “damn kids”, here's the link:

https://historyhustle.com/2500-years-of-people-complaining-about-the-younger-generation/

And with that, I'm done for this time. Join me again next Monday and until then, complain away, safe in the knowledge you are in the same company as Aristotle. Until next time, have a great week!

Not so safe...

Even as a child I heard how old timey wallpaper glue contained arsenic, but until yesterday, I had no idea how dangerous wallpaper could be.

Here for your enjoyment I present Hidden Killers of the Victorian Home:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy7iUoWi_-U


Until next time, have a great week, and just in case, don't lick the wallpaper okay?

How in the World...

Just about everyone runs across a scammer sooner or later in their lives. I myself recently got another phishing mail concerning a game account that I reported to Google. Scams like this are shotgun scams, fire off enough at once and someone might get hit.

Phone scammers are usually more targeted, but in the following story, our wannabe criminal mastermind should have done his research.

Meet our scammer, a 29 year old Jamaican man called Thomas. He called up 94 years old William Webster and told him he had won $15.5 million as well as a brand new Mercedes-Benz. All Webster had to do was pay $50.000 for tax, and the money would be his. There was only one tiny problem, Mr. Webster is the only person ever, who has served as director of both the FBI and the CIA...

Unsurprisingly, Webster smelled a rat and called the feds. Then Thomas, annoyed at not having gotten his 50k called again and threatened Websters wife. Bad idea.

In 2017, Thomas flew to New York unaware that the FBI was waiting, and in the end Thomas got 71 months in prison.

Not all old people are befuddled and easy to scam.

Back in 1995, a Canadian got on the news due to his name; Dick Assman. (pronounced OSS-men). The name is not the whole reason why he got on the news, it was because he wanted a vanity license plate that read ASSMAN, which the authorities refused, as they considered it rude out of context. Not one to give up easily, Dick instead got a huge green decal on the back of his pick-up that says:

    -Saskatchewan-

        ASSMAN

-Land of Living Skies-

The authorities are apparently okay with this, calling it a satisfying resolution, as they have no power over decals. Go Assman!

Also in Canada, a 69 year old woman, Seungae Kim, who owns/runs a convenience store was the subject of an attempted robbery. She was eating a banana as the masked assailant walked in and as he threatened her, she grabbed the nearest thing she could get her hands on, a bunch of bananas, and smacked him in the face. Repeatedly. As he fled the store, she continued to pelt him with more bananas. When the police showed up, she said she was more concerned with protecting her husband than the money in the till.

Finally in Connecticut, USA, a woman was arrested for driving under the influence. No actual drugs or alcohol was found in her car as such, except several bottles of vanilla extract that she had guzzled. The essence of vanilla is suspended in alcohol, and if you drink enough, you get wasted. How she stomached all that strong vanilla, I have no idea, but I suppose she was a sweet person...

That is that, join me again next time and until then, have a safe week!