It's a new year!

Hello and welcome to the first Eccentric Sphere of 2017!

I think we can all agree that 2016 was pretty damn subpar. So, let's kick off the new year the right way, by looking back on history. You see, in this age of the internet it is very easy to fall pray to pessimism and depression. We are bombarded every day with all the bad news from all around the world, but things aren't really so bad. Actually, things are mostly pretty good. And I'm going to prove it to you.

We are going to take a look at some historical rulers that left a bit to be desired, so if our modern politicians disgust you, you'll be able to say “At least they bathe”.

We'll start with Joanna of Castile (1479-1555). When her husband Philip the Handsome died, she went on treating his decomposing body as if it were alive. She traveled with it, she slept next to it and she refused to allow women to be alone with the corpse, just in case they would be overcome with lust. Very healthy indeed.

King James I (1566-1625), the guy who took over after Elizabeth I died, never bathed. The only part of himself he cleaned was the tips of his fingers. And because his tongue was too big for his mouth, he dribbled and drooled when he drank. Tasty.

Charles VI “The Mad” (1368-1422) has been featured here before, but because he thought he was made of glass. This time he's here due to the fact that he refused to change his clothes for five years, and to finish off the royal dirt-bags, Louis XIV (1638-1715) was really nasty. His throne had a built in toilet, which he used at court and he never washed either. He believed that to be clean all you had to do was change your shirt daily. He also doused himself in perfume every day.

But it's not all about the dirty bodies, sometimes it's the dirty minds. Christian VII of Denmark (1749-1808) was a chronic masturbator. Not that there is anything wrong with that as such, but when you do it so much that you forget to run the country, you have a real problem.

Then there is King Farouk of Egypt (1920-1965) who had several warehouses in several different countries stuffed to the rafters with his personal porn collection.

So you see, our modern politicians aren't so bad, it is all a matter of perspective. And speaking of perspective, do you know what the first message transmitted over the internet was? Well, back in 1969 when a group of scientists were testing ARPANET, the prototype of the internet, a student sat down and typed LOGIN. But the computer crashed and the first thing sent was: LOL.

There we are for this week. Tune in again next time for a thrilling new episode of Eccentric Spheres! (thrills not guaranteed). Until then, have a great week!