Outposts

Back in the day, I found a low budget film by the name of Outpost (2007) and decided to give it a go. It's awesome. A tense horror film with “undead” Nazis. What's not to love? Well I'll tell you, read on.

Yesterday I decided to watch the sequel, Outpost: Black Sun (2012) and today I saw Outpost: Rise of the Spetsnaz (2013), and although we still have “undead” Nazis, unlike the original, here we have very little to love.

SPOILER ALERT

First off, I spell undead with quotation marks because they aren't really risen from the grave, (mostly, it get's confusing at times) but rather stuck in a strange electromagnetic field. See, the Nazis wanted to create invincible soldiers, and thus injected them with some kind of miracle goo and exposed them to a field generated by a super science device that created a unified field. This made them unkillable, but also uncontrollable and the project was shut down.

Now enter our “heroes” in Outpost. A scientist named Hunt has hired a team of mercenaries to find said machine although it's been 65+ years since the war ended. They arrive at this creepy bunker somewhere in eastern Europe. The exact location is cleverly unspecified but we know it's war-torn and bleak. Inside the bunker they find the machine and it still works! Just go with it, it's not the weirdest thing that's going to happen.

Unfortunately this allows the Ghost-Nazis to manifest (though it is possible they could do that anyway), and it's on!

I have to say the Ghost-Nazis are terrifying in this movie. They appear anywhere, shadowy and massive, they kill with bayonets and disappear just like they came. Very creepy indeed! To top it off, you can shoot them all you like, but they don't care. They just keep coming, and then you die.

I'm not spoiling the ending, you'll just have to watch it yourself.

In Outpost: Black Sun, we are introduced to a young woman, Lena, who's a Nazi Hunter. A bit late for all that these days, but why not? She travels to the area the Outpost is in to find and kill/arrest the creator of the machine, one Klausener. She has no idea about “undead” Nazis, she's just there to get this evil old man for being a Nazi.

Along the way, she meets an old acquaintance, Wallace, who's a scientist and he's there to find the machine (of course). They team up just as U.N. troops move in to the area, to contain some vague chemical weapon.

The duo encounters some “undead” Nazis but they are pretty different from the original version. Instead of being creepy Ghost-Nazis, they now charge around and roar a lot. And where their faces used to be shadowy, they now look like stereotypical zombies. This is such a shame! All the suspense is gone and all we have now are rage zombies in SS uniforms.

Along the way, they team up with a reluctant U.N. special forces team who's in the area to destroy the unified field machine, because the field is spreading and with it, the “undead” Nazis, and they are still killing pretty much everything in sight.

If this all sounds kind of crappy, it's because it kind of is. The movie itself is pretty well written. The characters mostly act logically, like when the soldiers bring Wallace along since their scientist got killed, but refuse to take Lena since she's a useless civilian. (She goes after them anyway). But this is in no way as good as the original.

Again I won't spoil the ending too much, it was OK, but the scene with the guy shooting lighting like Emperor Palpatine, I could have done without.

So over all, a totally watchable film if you liked the first Outpost. Sad about the “undead” Nazis, but I guess you can't have everything.

The third installment though, Outpost: Rise of the Spetsnaz, was terrible. Absolute garbage. Instead of continuing the story from the first two movies, they decided to do a prequel, (insert theatrical sigh of frustration here), even though the second movies ending practically begs for continuity.

Here we're introduced to a group of Soviet partisans who get tangled up in the whole “undead” Nazi business when they ambush a German convoy. Soon enough most of them are dead and the survivors, including their commander are taken to the Outpost to be experimented upon.

There are three major flaws in this film.

First off, the Nazi Commandant, Strasser, is so campy and cliched, that the only thing he's missing is a limp and a monocle. He even zpeaks in a riddikkulous zheatrical fashion, which is even lamer considering none of his men do. They talk perfectly normally.

Secondly, the “undead” Nazis are even dumber than in the second movie. They are all huge hulking men with bald heads and even worse zombie makeup than in Black Sun. To be fair, they were prototypes, since at that point the Nazi scientists hadn't perfected the formula yet. But it really does nothing for the film.

Thirdly, the partisan commander is ridiculously bad-ass. He even outfights the Rage-Nazi-Zombies hand to hand. And, of course, being the hero, he really cares about his men. In the end, he's as cliched as Commandant Strasser.

I don't want to nitpick this film, since I don't care enough about it, as this is simply a pointless action movie set in the Outpost universe. But it does the series a disservice by going against things already established by the earlier films. And that I can't forgive it for. I had low expectations going in to this, but I was still let down. Do yourself a favor and avoid it.

A last couple of points. Both the “undead” General who leads the “undead” Nazis in the first two films as well as Commandant Strasser wear black SS uniforms, even though it's supposed to be towards the end of the war. The uniforms should have been gray, since Himmler banned the black uniform from common use. Parades only and such.

Also at the end of Black Sun, a cackling “undead” hag-nurse appears. In the third film we learn a little bit more about her, but the way she's shuffling around in a tattered black cloak, wielding a syringe and goes: “hehehehihihihehehehiiiiii” is so stupid! They should have left her on the cutting room floor.

So to sum up, the first Outpost is pretty damn good, the second is watchable and the third is foul.

Until next week, I hope you don't have to deal with any Ghost-Nazis, because they are scary.

Have a great week!

Let's Twist again

Tornado. A word that to many people means terror, destruction and death.

To me it means fascination because I live in Finland and we don't get tornadoes here. We get long cold winters instead, but given the choice, I'll take a few months of snow and cold over having my house ripped to pieces any day.

I just finished watching a Nova documentary on these bad boys, an thought I'd share with you, since it's Monday, and I have nothing better to blab about. I'll link it at the bottom.

Tornadoes are usually rated on the Enhanced Fujita scale, or EF scale which used to be known as just the Fujita scale. It goes from EF0 meaning topical damage to EF5 which means towns are flattened.

Although tornadoes have been observed on every continent except Antarctica (It's too uniformly cold and dry for them to form there), they are most prevalent in what's known as Tornado Alley in the U.S.

Tornado Alley doesn't have any clear borders but it's core is usually considered to be northern Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Nebraska. If you live there you will get to know tornadoes personally.

In the U.S. about 80% of tornadoes are EF0 to EF1, and it's rare for them to last longer than 10 minutes. It's hard to say how often they strike, due to vastly different seasons but also because small local tornadoes aren't always reported, though many are.

Now, since this is Eccentric Spheres we're going to take a look at some extreme ones.

The record holder for biggest tornado is the Tri-State Tornado that rampaged through Missouri, Illinois and Indiana in March 18, 1925. It's records are:

• Furthest path traveled: 352 km (219 miles)
• Longest duration: about 3.5 hours
• Fastest traveling speed: 117 km/h (73mph)

The record holder for most recorded deaths is the Daultipur-Salturia Tornado that ripped through Bangladesh on April 26, 1989. This monster killed about 1300 people, but it should be noted that population centers in Bangladesh are much denser than in Tornado Alley and that their houses aren't built nearly as well.

In fact, efforts are under way to build houses that are better able to withstand the gruesome forces that the large tornadoes produce. An EF5 is as powerful, if not stronger, than the Hiroshima nuclear bomb. But instead of one powerful pulse, an EF5 continuously puts out this unimaginable force as it travels along.

The biggest difficulty in designing houses that are capable of resisting these wind speeds aren't just the costs involved but the fact that as a tornado approaches, your house is first beset by a powerful pushing force, but when the tornado is close, it exerts a pulling force instead and this is no joke. On May 22, 2011 in Joplin, Missouri (featured heavily in the documentary I mentioned) the EF5 grabbed the local hospital, not a small clinic mind you, but a large hospital and twisted the entire building four inches off it's own foundation!

Luckily only about 1% of tornadoes are EF5's and it's unusual for them to hit towns or cities but, as communities grow and multiply it becomes increasingly likely that they get hit.

I have had a fascination with powerful natural disasters like tornadoes since I was a child, and I can sometimes sit for hours and watch storm chaser footage on Youtube. Indeed that's how I found this documentary. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUj9OW_OXmU

If you're interested in the subject matter, do give it a shot. It's pretty good, with really nice CGI explaining how tornadoes are formed, but for all non U.S. readers, be advised that it is very American in style with long dramatic pauses “in order to ------ save lives!”

I hope you have a great week and don't get blown away. Until next week!

True Detective

As you may surmise from the title, today I want to talk about the show TrueDetective.

I became vaguely aware of the show through the internet, but I started watching after being encouraged to do so by a good friend.

I was hesitant going in, mainly due to the main cast namely MatthewMcConaughey and Woody Harrelson, but also because I'm a bit bored with police procedurals and serial killer shows.

Now, I like Mr. Harrelson well enough, but his roles tend towards either hippie weirdos or macho uber-men. Mr. McConaughey on the other hand is very well known for his many romantic comedies, which I really can't watch. His role in U-571 was pretty non standard for him at the time, but my friend urged me to put Mr. McConaugheys romcoms in the past and give True Detective a shot.

Boy am I glad I did. There is no romance or indeed any comedy anywhere to be seen.

Mild Spoilers Ahead

At it's most basic, True Detective is about two police detectives in Louisiana hunting an occult serial killer. The story is told in two time frames, 1995 and 2012. The main characters Rust Cohle (McConaughey) and Marty Hart (Harrelson) are being interviewed by other detectives in 2012 concerning their work hunting the killer back in '95. This is an unusual (at least for me) technique but it works very well, in a sense allowing the same characters to speak with two voices. Both Rust and Marty change considerably during the show, and this juxtaposition showcases the changes without resorting to info-dumping or leaving the viewer behind.

Another thing I should point out is that we have a strong case of Unreliable Narrator here. Both characters tell things from their perspectives and this can confuse things, particularly when they lie.

Now, you can watch True Detective just like any other cop show, but that would be foolish. This is not a show that should be watched casually. There are clues and foreshadowing aplenty throughout the season, and the more you notice the scarier it gets. I wouldn't go so far as to call this a horror show, but it's damn close.

You see, the occult part of the show concerns the Yellow King and Carcosa. If you've never read Robert W. Chambers book The King in Yellow and/or read the expanded Cthulhu Mythos started by H.P. Lovecraft, these names will mean nothing to you, but if you have, this show quickly gets really unnerving.

I'm not going to explain it all here, but the creator Nic Pizzolatto has created a show that works both as a regular TV show, but also as a “Cthulhu Investigation” familiar to fans of Lovecraft and Call of Cthulhu in all it's forms and shapes.

True Detective runs on two levels. One one hand it's about deranged people in a cult “just” molesting children and committing horrible murders, but on the other hand the whole cult part is real. They really are sacrificing people to otherworldly entities. Basically it's up to you what is true and what's not.

This reality blur is mainly expressed through Detective Cohle who sees things due to a damaged nervous system from his days deep under cover as a narcotics cop. In order to keep his cover intact he had to take copious amounts of drugs, which has either damaged his brain enough to make him hallucinate, or the drugs have enhanced his mind enough to see hidden things like ancient shamans. Again it's your call which reality is true.

This is a show that I'm going to have to re-watch just to see what I missed. Even a cursory search on this show will net you several pages of analyses and Easter eggs that are easily over looked.

As an example I completely failed to grasp the possible meaning behind Marty’s oldest daughter and the drastic changes she goes through, even though they are pretty text-book.

The over all feel of the show is oppressive, gloomy and spellbinding. The score is at times truly haunting and at no time did I get the feeling that I'd rather be doing something else. That said, this is a very heavy show, and not one to be taken lightly.

So, if this sounds appealing, go watch True Detective. Hell, even if you think I've just written seven-hundred plus words of complete drivel, go watch it anyway. Just keep kids away. This is Adult Country and not just for the nudity.

Until next year, take it easy!

Some holiday entertainment

Greetings and salutations! Today we're going back in time to look at two movies from the nineties. Both are pretty damn good and well worth your time.

First up is Suicide Kings (1997).

The story of a group of collage age, well to do guys who kidnap a “retired” mafia boss, played by the unique Christopher Walken.

Walken spends nearly the entire film duct taped to a chair and yet he still manages to completely dominate the whole thing. Despite his mostly calm demeanor he's scarier than his main henchman Lono (Denis Leary), a man who shoots people with the same emotional response as someone scratching his nose.

The story unfolds beautifully and with great pacing so you never get bored, but it's not an action piece in any way. Nor is it a typical mobster movie. Suicide Kings stands on its own with no need for any excuses.

Great acting tops it off from all involved parties. Top notch movie in my opinion.

Our second entry for today is The Ref (1994).

What we have here is actually a Christmas movie, but one with a twist. Denis Leary (yup, him again) is Gus, a cat burglar forced to spend x-mas eve with a family he kidnaps in order to evade the police.

Although The Ref also stars Kevin Spacey, it's Leary's enraged and frustrated rantings that makes this film so funny. If you're a fan of the mans stand-up, it's a must-see.

It's not in any way a “Great Film” but none the less a surprisingly warm holiday movie with out any of the typical cliches that saturates the x-man market.

Other highlights include a wildly inaccurate “Scandinavian Christmas Dinner” and I do mean inaccurate, and possibly the nastiest woman found anywhere in film outside of serial killer and holocaust movies. This hag is truly vile.

If you're in the mood for some holiday fun, and it is Christmas this week after all, do check it out.

That's it for this week, happy watching and have a great Holiday you all, where ever you may be!

Peace out.

Blacker than Black

Tonight here on Eccentric Spheres we're going to talk about SCIENCE!

OK, maybe not talk so much as look at this awesome documentary I found. A documentary about black holes, in fact.

I've always found them fascinating but I had no idea how crazy they are until I watched this.

One of the things that makes black holes so cool is that we, as in humanity, don't yet understand how they work. Because they shouldn't.

The best and brightest minds we have can not explain how they function. You see, Einstein's Law of Relativity explains how physics works just fine, until you get to the black holes. Then the laws of physics break down, we get things like infinite gravity that stops time itself and light traveling faster than itself. How can that not be interesting.

As a bonus, you don't have to feel uneducated or dumb since these scientific geniuses are just as stumped as you and me. In fact, they haven't even seen a black hole. No one has, but we do know they exist, and without them, you and I probably wouldn't.

So without further ado, I present The Ultimate guide to Black Holes, enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3U0vjSUhOA (<- direkt link)

Until next week, take it easy!

Blood and Bone

When you find a movie called Blood and Bone, the content should be pretty obvious. And in this action film from 2009 starring Michael Jai White, Julian Sands and Eamonn Walker, the title is pretty well spot on.

I discovered it one evening whilst feeling bored and in the need of some brainless entertainment. I was completely satisfied 93 minutes later.

But that's not to say that it's a bad movie. Quite the contrary, in fact.

What we have here is a film about illegal underground fights. That's the core of the story and that's what we get. There's more, sure. A basic revenge plot that thankfully does not get in the way of what you came to see. And to top it off, no real romance subplot! I was very pleasantly surprised about that.

These films tend to have a sexy female character who's job it is to get into trouble, get rescued and get the bad-ass hero into bed. Not in Blood and Bone. No sirree!

Now before you get any funny ideas, I should point out that this is not a “good movie”. It's raw entertainment, nothing more. The dialog is stilted at best and both Julian Sands and Eamonn Walker are pretty much wasted here.

The real star here is Michael Jai White and his incredible martial arts skills. It's a pleasure to watch that man move. And kick copious amounts of ass!

That said, at no point did I feel like I was actually wasting my time. If you on the other hand are in a hurry, you can find a compilation of just the fight scenes. You won't need to know the plot to enjoy yourselves. But be warned, some fights are pretty rough if you're feeling sensitive.

Bottom line, if you like martial arts movies and you're bored with Steven Seagal, check out Michael Jai White, and Blood and Bone is as good a place to start as any.

That's all he wrote this time. Until next time, take it easy.

Gentlemen Bastards!

Today we're going to talk about literature. Fantasy literature to be exact. Today's post is all about The Gentlemen Bastard Sequence by Scott Lynch.

To date there are three books on the series; The Lies of Locke Lamora, Red Seas Under Red Skies and The Republic of Thieves.

I finished the third book last night, and I've read the two other books twice, so I feel qualified to talk about them.

Together with A Song of Ice and Fire (George R.R. Martin) this is my favorite fantasy series, hands down. It does have magic and some fabulous beasts, but otherwise no classic fantasy tropes like elves, dwarfs, dragons and giant burning eyes perched on dark towers. No, The Gentlemen Bastards are thieves, con-men and criminals extraordinaire. But in a world with mostly gray on gray morality they come out as pretty nice people. Mostly because their targets are rich jerks and a lot of people are much worse then the Bastards.

I'm sitting here struggling to explain to you why these books are so good without either spoiling anything or going into a long rant about everything, but the most important point has to be the way Mr. Lynch writes. He paints vivid scenes filled with great characters you can actually sympathize with. The entire world comes alive and is tremendously believable. Not a mean feat considering it's fantasy after all.

Also, Mr. Lynch does not shy away from unpleasant themes. Violence is nasty, child thieves are hung and tons of bad things happen, but without any scene descending into a needless gore-fest.

The main characters are criminals yes, but the books don't moralize. Sometimes things go well, other times they really don't, but the causes and consequences speak for themselves without you getting preached at. Neither are the characters ever really let of the hook just because they happen to be the main characters. A tricky balance Mr. Lynch handles terrible well.

The Lies of Locke Lamora had me hooked completely after only the prologue, and I would not hesitate to give it five out of five stars anywhere.

Red Seas and The Republic are easy four star novels, with the only reason they weren't as good being, well, hard to explain. Perhaps they're lacking some of the joy you feel leaping at you from the pages. Otherwise they are magnificent.

If you like your fantasy, or indeed any genre, liberally coated with intrigue, mystery, charm, wit, adventure, romance and suspense you absolutely can't go wrong with these books.

Start reading The Gentlemen Bastard Sequence as soon as you can!

That's all he wrote, dear readers. Take it easy, gather some energy in this dark December and keep on trucking!